Not too long ago, I thought that life was pretty good. My world has been so protected that I haven't really been exposed to how ugly things can be. I think this has shaped me into an optimist.

This outlook hasn't fundamentally changed, but this past year has thrown some life events my way that have dented my bubble. Sometimes I wonder how life can be so cruel, yet at the same time I know that things could be so much worse - that really, I have nothing to complain about.

Still, it sucks. I don't recall ever experiencing such spiraling emotions. It only hurts in moments, but it often seems to be those moments. Somewhere in the back of my mind I know that there is a positive side to this - that it is through adversity that we learn and grow as people.

I feel lost. I need to find myself. And as much as I try to search for meaning and understanding, somehow I know that perhaps there isn't any.